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File this under: Just because I have a vagina doesn’t mean I will automatically flock to see this movie. First off, I might say that even though my heart is as black as the sea, I have a very small soft spot for cheesy chick flicks, namely the classics like Pretty Woman, When Harry Met Sally, and Love Actually. Recently, I find the shit chick flicks that have been coming out lately have all looked like trash, or starred Katherine Heigel, which is why I haven’t seen them.

He’s Just Not That Into You doesn’t look like I’m going to see one anytime soon. First off, you have a movie based on some piece of shit self-help book. Second off, this movie stars Jennifer Aniston, and as a devout follower of the St. Angelina Jolie sect, seeing this movie goes against every moral fiber in my body. Thirdly, the director, Ken Kwapis, brought The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants into this unholy world. Fourthly, the plot of this movie not only sounds like every other jerkoff chick flick ever made, but the main focus of it seems to be two points:

1. Women are concerned with men so much that every aspect of their day revolves around them.
2. All women want to get married.

I don’t know about you, but I smell a severe case of bullshit when I see the previews for this movie. Chick flicks make generalizations about women that I find offensive, but other women seem drawn to them like bums to empty bottles in my alley. This movie just looks like garbage, even if you like cutesy chick flicks. It will just spawn an overuse of the phrase “he’s just not that into you”, like a few years ago when this “new and revolutionary concept” came out a few years ago from Berger’s mouth on Sex and the City. If I need someone telling me that “he’s just not that into me”, I’ll call up my parole officer regarding the terms of my restraining order. It would be a lot less painful and cheaper than seeing this movie.

Can I think of any reasons why you should see this movie? Justin Long (the Mac dude) is kind of a little bit cute, so that might be a reason. Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind, Requiem for a Dream, Labyrinth) is also in this, Scarlett Johanssen’s breasts, and the supercute Ginnifer Goodwin (Big Love). Even with these points of saving grace (especially the breasts), I don’t think this movie is even worth the effort it takes to fill my flask, no matter how much I’m sure my roommate would want to see it. Bottom line is (and I hate using it): I’m just not that into seeing this shitfest.

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