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File this flick under “Movies I should have been high at”, and you have a small glimpse into how phenomenal My Bloody Valentine 3D is. When I first heard I was going to see this movie, I immediately filled my flask of Wild Turkey in preparation, but due to circumstances beyond my control I found myself viewing this movie completely sober (which I find amusing because I was higher than a kite when I watched The Dark Knight).

This movie follows the events of a massacre that happened Valentine’s Day in a small mining town. Apparently, a miner named Harry Warden went crazy and killed 22 people with a pick axe. 10 years later, some of the survivors of this massacre haven’t forgotten the terror of Harry Warden and the Valentine’s Day massacre. But when similar killings start happening, all signs point to Harry Warden, and they are forced to relive the fears they faced 10 years ago. This movie is directed by Patrick Lussier (Dracula 2000) and stars a bunch of attractive actors on the cusp of fame. Jamie King plays the lead female “Sarah” who is torn between her husband “Axel” (played by Grant Tingley Kerr Smith) and her former high school boyfriend, “Tom” (played by Jensen Ackles). Basically, it’s your typical slasher flick, but with better special effects. There is a twist at the end that you can see coming from the other side of town.

What is good about this movie?
Well.. nothing. No, that is a lie. The 3-D technology is pretty sweet, but then again I haven’t seen a 3-D movie before. But I found the film built itself around the technology instead of trying to make the technology enhance the deep and thought provoking plot. The thing that I appreciated about this movie, is that it didn’t take itself seriously. In the first 5 minutes of the film, you are shown so many horror movie clichés and forgettable one liners that it lowers your expectations of seeing a really intense horror movie. This movie is pure cheese, it knows it, and for that, I can’t hate it entirely too much. I was entertained by its terribleness, although I know I would have enjoyed the movie so much more if I smoked a small amount of pot beforehand. Its just that type of movie. Also, this movie had full frontal nudity. It wasn’t pretty, but it was there, so if you are into naked chicks chasing truck drivers, you might enjoy a small portion of this movie.

What is bad about this movie?
I don’t think I have enough words in my vocabulary to describe exactly how terrible this movie is.

Should you see this movie?
Yes, BUT (and its a big but) only if:

1. You get in for free.
2. You get high beforehand.

Those are probably the only reasons you should see My Bloody Valentine 3-D.

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