TwoWordHeap

This weekend is going to be the sunniest most comfortable weekend ever. Definitely beach weather! Or possibly weather to stop a giant international bank?

The International

Starring the always fun and entertaining Clive Owen and the awesome and lovely Naomi Watts, this movie will probably be the best film of the past 73 years… and possibly the most important piece of art to come along since the Mona Lisa.

View Trailer

See! Doesn’t it look like quite possibly the best thing ever?!?!

Whether or Not?
You definitely should be lining up opening day to see this!
You will not… NOT… regret seeing this movie more than 8 times in the theatre!^[1]

Notables
Clive Owen
Naomi Watts

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Isla Fisher is going to be the next big thing, no exaggeration. She is part of the, soon to be known as, Comedy Royalty Couple with her husband Sacha Baron Cohen. But, even though I say comedy, I am calling her to start taking over roles that the HORRIBLY OVERRATED Julia Roberts would have been considered for. She has unbelievably range that has yet to be officially tapped, but I am happy that someone in Hollywood sees her star ability by putting her above the title.

The supporting cast for this tends to make me think good things; John Lithgow, John Goodman, Kristin Scott Thomas… and more… (check the notables section)

View Trailer

Whether or Not?
This one is a moderate go. More than likely will be rather predictable, but due to two things (Isla Fisher’s undeniable beauty, and Isla Fisher’s undeniable talent) this movie will keep you engaged throughout. Essentially it is a standard movie, but sometimes standard things are just what the doctor ordered (can someone say grilled cheese and tomato bisque soup?)

Notables
Isla Fisher
Hugh Dancy
Joan Cusack
John Goodman
John Lithgow
Kristin Scott Thomas
Fred Armisen
Lynn Redgrave

Friday the 13th

You know what I always say?! Horror movies are recommendation PROOF! I could say “see it”, and whoever decided not to see it won’t see it, and I could say “don’t see it” and whoever decided to see it will see it. So who cares what I say?!

View The Trailer

Whether or NOT?!
This will surprise you…

SEE IT…

This flick will be nothing remotely close to a cinematic classic, but as horror flicks go, I have traditionally enjoyed the Friday the 13th series… *GASP* I know, I know… but I REALLY enjoyed Freddy vs. Jason *GASP GASP COUGH COUGH* Wow… do you need some water?! Freddy vs. Jason wasn’t even remotely close to the most serious horror movie in the world, but it worked. I could see how it could be scary (didn’t scare me), and it also made me laugh. WHY DO I MENTION THIS?! The writers for Friday the 13th were the ones responsible for Freddy vs. Jason… Now it all makes sense, doesn’t it?

Notables
It doesn’t matter who else is in this movie, but there is a guy named Travis Van Winkle in it… and if that isn’t awesome enough he is from Victorville, CA.^[2]

Haha… Van Winkle…

Two Lovers

There are times in our lives that we will forever remember, that we will constantly say “I remember where I was when…” whatever event happened… And this is one of them. The great and not-mentally-ill-in-the-slightest Joaquin Phoenix has quit acting, and this is the last movie that he will ever make… ever…^[3]

Anyways, maybe I should talk about the movie… oh hell, who cares?

I actually agree that Joaquin is one of the best actors out there, though not as good as River would have been…^[4]

Gwyneth Paltrow is in it, and she has never actually done anything good, but I think she might be starting to find roles that she should actually do vs. what her agents tell her to do… So I have positive thoughts for her in this as well.

And also Isabella Rossellini is in the flick… no need to comment here, she is great.

View The Trailer

Whether or NOT?!
YES!

Wow do I have 4 yesses in a row for this week? Sheesh… wow… I wonder if this week will be 5 for 5?

Notables
Joaquin Phoenix
Gwyneth Paltrow
Isabella Rossellini
and Casey Jones himself, Elias Koteas^[5]

Gomorra

Better than the Godfather…

You heard me.

View The Trailer

Whether or NOT!?!
YES!

WOW… this wasn’t nominated for an Oscar?! ACADEMY!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!

I guess the end of the Sopranos is the official end of our love affair with the mob and crime families…

In Summary

WOW… 5 movies and 5 sunny recommendations. The most interesting thing about this weekend is the AMAZING VARIETY that there is. Chick Flick Comedy, Guy Thriller, Foreign Gangsta, Horror, and a Romantic Drama… wow… No real competition at all here for any of these flicks.

Footnotes

1. This has nothing to do with me winning $340 dollars from Stop The International… at all… I am a professional and completely impartial… [↩]
2. This is only funny to me and other Southern Californians [↩]
3. … aside from the documentary Casey Affleck is making about Joaquin’s move to Hip-Hop. That isn’t a prank at all. At all. It is completely serious. Definitely serious… COME ON STOP DOUBTING HIM!! HE IS THE NEXT SNOOP DOG!!!… OK it is a hoax, but who cares? Wait a minute… maybe it is a hoax about being a hoax!?! I AM ON TO YOU PHOENIX!!! [↩]
4. he’s been acting dead for the past 15 years or so… Man… He is good… This whole family is all about PUNK’IN THE PUBLIC!!! [↩]
5. A few of you may have heard me speak of the greatness that is the Canadian actor, Elias Koteas. All we can hope for is more stuff with him in it. [↩]

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