TwoWordHeap

Last week was horrible, nothing could possibly have been worst than that week… well I am rather upset with the fact I live in a world that gives a Tyler Perry movie $41 million… BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO?!

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience

If this was released last weekend, I may have committed Seppuku. First of all, things like this shouldn’t be considered film releases… This is something that should be considered akin to going to watch a football game in a theatre. WHO IS ANNOYED WITH THIS!?! I am. But they will still count it in the box office world.

View Trailer

Whether or Not?!
NOT… I am fairly certain we have zero TWEENS reading this site, so unless you are actually a tween and you must go, go. But if you are over 15 and you are there… Please GIVE ME YOUR MAN CARD!!!^[1]

Notables
The many, and I mean MANY, vans with no windows that will be outside the theatres that night. Attention Tweeners… if you see an increase in mustachiod men… RUN!!! RUN AS FAST AS YOUR LITTLE LEGS CAN CARRY YOU!!!

Crossing Over

Man I forgot about this one…
And when I first saw the trailer months ago, I wasn’t interested at all at this flick. And nothing has changed. Mostly, I hate Hollywood doing movies about these things. I am as pro immigration as the next guy, but … WOAH… I almost got sucked into politics!!! That would’ve been bad!!! EFF YOU POLITICS!!! I hope you get pulled into one of those aforementioned vans, and lose your innocence… never to be returned AGAIN!!!

View Trailer

Whether or Not?!
NOT!!! This movie has “Blow Hard Fest” written all over it.

Notables
Harrison Ford
Ray Liotta
Ashley Judd
Jim Sturgess
Wayne Kramer (writer/director of The Cooler)

Anyways, something that I always want people to take note of, is this is a remake of a short 35 minute flick this guy did back in 1996… and I have noticed that with few exceptions, short subject (story/film) don’t translate well to a feature.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

My girlfriend’s PR firm recently did an event for the release of the video game… I mentioned something about the movie, and she didn’t know anything about it. WOW… way to advertise guys. Obviously, they are banking on all the nerds who love the video game and, for that reason, it makes this critic proof. The interesting thing about this is maybe it will be good… maybe it will be bad… it is kinda tough to tell right now, but if it is anything like the old one… RUN!

View Trailer

Whether or Not?!
YES… tentatively though. If you were on the fence about seeing this one, give it a go. Really, I think it might be alright. And, at the very least, an ok martial arts/sci-fi-esque picture. Gone is the cartoonish world from the ’94 incarnation, and what remains is a heightened reality made famous by Asian cinema. It will either fly or be a glorious failure. Either way, worth a watch.

Notables
Chris Klein
Neal McDonough
Michael Clarke Duncan
Taboo
and some guy named Tim Man… hilarious… someone’s parents love The Wizard of Oz too much…

1. yes i know most of them are girls, but they looked rather manish to me [↩]

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